Going through a strange feeling today.

Going out to a weekend trip to Jim Corbett National Park with the Lets Go group. This is our first backpacking. Mostly new members are going the original members have long disassociated themselves from the group. I wasn’t also bothering to initiate any activity…couldn’t think of anyone to form a enjoyable team… Suddenly these new bunch of nice super-active enthusiastic guys have joined the group, Snigdha along with these new people arranged the trip…I am very exited…love these kinda trips…

But there is one thought in mind, one feeling…apprehension…of loss. Whenever I go out to such trips I find someone special, last it was Shashant, before that it was Munish…we start of great..become inseperable on the trip…as if we were friends for years…but then at the end of the trip I can never hold on to whatever I found…

Munish never spoke to me after we returned from Vizag, I never asked he never said anything. We continued being at the same organisation sitting next to each other for another month but we never spoke…He again joined my next organisation worked there of one whole month…we pretended to be strangers..still remember that day when I was missing the good old days, was feeling low, keeping quiet…Manoj figured out something was worng with me and kept insisting to know what was it…I told him “I am missing someone I lost”, he offered all sort of help to find out my lost property, “who is he? you have his number? Give me, I will talk to him, your other friends must be having contacts with him… what happened, how can you people not even be in talking terms…” All the while Munish was standing right next to us and Manoj didn’t have a clue…That’s the bizzare truth of my life I keep referring to….wonder what would have been Manoj’s reaction if I would have told him the person who we were talking about was standing right next to us…

With Shashant, I kept on thinking what can go wrong, what is going to screw this friendship up…couldn’t figure out anything…but then he was based in Bombay when we met…and Now he is in Dubai, although we are as close as we can be and keep in touch through messenger but its never the same given the distance…

Today once again I am going through this feeling, what is it that is going to screw us up? Met this guy couple of days back…we are going on the trip together. He is just the kind of guy I get along well…Of what I know him, fits into the definition of my ideal man perfectly, is based in Delhi, we have become good friends, I know we gonna have a good time in the trip, but then what will that be which will ruin everything…i know there will be something…just wonder what

Writing this post just to reaffirm how short lived and predictable is the end of all my relationships…will come back and write how and what screwed up… Going for something knowing its never gonna last….such an act of bravery, which I do all the time.
Addendum (Post Corbett Trip)

Surprisingly, nothing went wrong, nothing got screwed…and nothing went overboard either.
Current Mood : Happy
Health : Not well
Addendum II (3rd March 2006)

Writing this blog has become a risky affair. A lot of people who know me personally are also reading my blog. Its not a good idea to write just about any and everything cause people ask questions. The guy bout which I am talking in this post has raised quite a few eyebrows and some major curiosity amongst the Corbett trippers…who is this guy?? I promised the fellow trippers I would put up a clarification but now when I am actually adding this addendum, I am thinking why should I put up an explanation? For what purpose? Only that much is meant to be public as much as I write rest…….all the readers are free to assume whatever they want to……for the simple reason that it doesn’t matter……..doesn’t matter who he is that guy? doesn’t matter what I am feeling? Doesn’t matter anything to anybody, not even to that guy… Its not the same person the one you met in real and the one you meet here on the blog….so don’t try to relate the two…

Don’t wonder and don’t ask me anything either…


Addendum III (07.11.06)

That guy is getting married this month. Met some one even more special today. Watch out this space for updates.

Addendum IV (10.03.2016)

Ten years after I met him we had sex. He got divorced, we got back as friends, had sex, and then he turned me down again.