I happen to know this person through Yahoo Messenger who is married, is a father to a daughter, loves both of them truly but is looking for one night stands without having any strings attached. When asked why such weird desire he says coz he can’t ask his wife to fulfill his fantasies.
I see a social problem in him. Sex is one of the biggest truth of nature after probably death. Nothing else is as certain as the desire and need for sex between humans, animals, plants and all other organisms. It comes so naturally to us that to try to fight with our sexual urges and curb them down would be an act extremely against the order of nature. Good sex they say can keep a persons body and mind healthy and just as lack of vitamis and minerals affects our health, non availibility of a medium to satisfy our sexual urges also affects our mental and physical health. This is so because the sexual urge that we have is a part of the many systems that works in our body. We have been given these glands which would natually secrete hormones and when that happens our body reacts natually to it. This is all chemistry.
When two people get married, of all the things they promise, they also promise, whether directly or impliedly, to fulfill this most natural need of each other. But under the domain of socially constructed norms called culture, sex is considered as such a taboo that a man who might be more sexually charged than his wife is actually ashamed of it.
In indian culture particularly, even husband wives can’t talk bout sex. Not only that, some times we have such stupid traditions making sex more and more a topic of shame and indecency. In joint families the bolted door to a couple’s room is supposed to be opened up early morning before the elderly members of the family wakes up. They have to pretend they didn’t do it last night. Particularly for the bahu it is a matter of embarrassment if she is still with her husband behind closed doors when rest of the family has woken up.
Another weird habit is the hush hush tone we use when a woman is found to be expecting a baby. Why? Because the fact that she is expecting makes it evident that they did it…duh… Otherwise the people in the house were under the impression that the couple were just kidding themselves… So we have these stupid cliched movie scenes where this wife is getting all red blushing to such extremity that I don’t even know how to explain, while she break the news of her pregnancy to the family members and to top it all, to her own husband. I mean what on earth is there to be embarrassed of or blush…
This guy never fully told me what his fantasies are so I don’t know how weird they are but whatever it is, I feel he shouldn’t have any hesitations to ask for it from his wife. If she is ok with it, nothing can be better, if she isn’t, they can talk about it, think over it, try to find some way out, may be see a therapist. But here we have him thinking its gonna be indecent on his part to talk about sex with his own wife and therefore indulging in adultery.
I have noticed this in some traditional bengali families that once the children are in their teen age and the parents are in mid 40s they cease to sleep together in the same room. It is considered indecent to give out this impression in front of the rest of the people in the house including the grown up kids, that the parents still enjoy their marital intercourse. How unnatural is that. I just don’t get it.
I know this guy for more than 6-7 months now and yes our chat conversation did start when he popped up my PC with this proposal of his. He didnt want to talk about anything else, didn’t even want to know anything about me or my life, just wanted an answer to his proposal in Yes or No. Being the smooth talker that I am, I managed to start talking and since then we been talking. And over time I found out he is actually a nice guy and not some pervert, is sensitive, caring, responsible, intelligent, loves his wife and would never want to hurt her…but then why?
Lemme ask this question to all of you here…. do you think this person is an one off case or do you think there are many such persons around…… just that they don’t talk bout it honestly……..?? And do you have a sexual fantasy that you are embarrassed of?