hmm

It’s been so long I didn’t write a poem. I don’t write much from the heart these days, don’t feel anything actually. Life is going great if you see except that am in my 31st year and still single. There has to be a reason behind this. It cannot be a coincidence. All these years and not one meaningful relationship. Many men, but not one love. Strange. For a long period I thought I am too ugly. Now I’ve figured it doesn’t matter. Then, what matters, I don’t know.

The other day I asked a guy, “why are most men attracted to me physically, I don’t even have a good body, am fat, short,” so this guy said, “May be they are just horny.”

Bingo! I figured out men. They just have two state of being. (1) They are horny and I am around (2) They are horny and I am not around. Everything else is a farce, a time pass, bull shit. No friendship, no close friendship, no platonic friendship no friendship like bro-sis nothing. All bull shit. They feel horny they make a pass at you, if you don’t object they go ahead.

I figured it out by flashbacking at life, looking at the patterns in the way each man established physical relationship with me. What’s worse, it’s not even a physical attraction, it’s just that, being horny. A physical attraction is more close to love and affection, difficult to ignore, if a guy has some attraction purely towards your body he’ll keep coming back at you, but horniness is a very momentary state. And then they don’t even discuss it with you ever. They don’t even call you up and say, “I had a nice time”. They don’t call to say, “I didn’t know this would happen, guess I was attracted to you for blah blah reason”. They don’t call to say, “Do you want to catch up again?” Weird No? Just one time.

You think he is a friend, a close friend you could never imagine having any kind of sexuality with him, you hanged around with him all the time, nothing happened, but then all of a sudden one day he makes a sexual move at you. You have two choice, go ahead or say No. If you planning to go ahead, let me warn you right away, don’t be under the impression this sexual movie is sprung from some sort of emotional attachment or affection. It’s being horny. Period.

You think he is a doting husband, a nice guy, good son, all your other female friends hanged out with him at his house nothing happened so you sat with him having a drink completely oblivious to his sexual attraction for you and then he makes a move.

You think he is a fellow traveler, you think he is only asking you to join for a trip, you are not a fool you pretty much could guess there is a possibility you guys would get physical but something happens and you fuck up a fuck. He doesn’t talk to you anymore for the rest of the trip. You wonder what was he thinking when he asked you to join you for the trip. A fuck companion?

Men find me intriguing, mysterious enigmatic. They don’t get it how could I keep talking about sex so freely, how can I be so comfortable meeting one of them at night in dinner at his place when there’s no body around. Strange, he can ask me out randomly to join him for dinner when there is no body around, when I accept the invitation he cannot believe my guts and confidence. In fact, he goes to say, “I didn’t think you’d accept”. Just because I am a woman I have to have a difference in behavior.

Friendship, my sister puts it best, is bull shit. No body can be friends like family forever. That’s exactly why when you meet some one really nice and loving and all that shit, you tie that person into something called marriage. You are hugely mistaken if you think you’d retain him in your life as friend. She also said, a man and a woman can never be friends. Men don’t need friends to begin with, if at all they do, a woman can’t be their friends, don’t try to be a friend of a man by being his beer buddy, if you do that, you’d eventually lose him to a more woman.

I just turned a few more heads by this post I know, few more curious men would want to solve the mystery that I am. Sigh! I see patterns and patterns and more patterns everywhere.