[Moving on to what I usually write on this blog. I will keep updating the post on Hajra with new information.]

A lot of my male friends often tell me, after having broken a girl’s heart, “I always told her there can be no future with me still she had built hope, what to do.” Yeah what to do. Girls build hope. No matter what you say. You know what they think? They think, “Oh he is only saying like that, actually he himself doesn’t realise he is in love with me. But I would love him so much that he won’t be able to think of a day without me and then he’ll ask me for marriage.”

In fact one of the easiest way to get a girl to bed is to tell her “we should break up because there can be no future to this relationship.” When threatened with a probable break up they do all sort of things to hold on the man. Offering sex is one of them. This becomes even easier if the guy is a handsome hunk who visibly has the potential to attract a lot of pretty girls and a displayed disinterest in the girl in question. That thing attracts girls. As much as I cringe when I write this, girls often have no self respect. I just don’t know why. May be they are designed to hunt for and keep an able man.

If a man is desirable the girl would try several hundred ways to get him. Sometimes she would try to ease him by absolving him of the responsibilities of his actions. She’d take the onus of justifying the impossibility of having a future by blaming the difference in their socio-cultural background or such other social taboo. She’d tell him, “honey, I understand this cruel world would never let us be together, you are this and I am that (which could mean you are Hindu I am Muslim, or ‘baniya and bong’ or ‘rich and poor’), but let us live for the moment, let us not ruin this time and space we got by worrying over the future.”

What men should be aware of is that when a girl talks like this, deep inside she hopes she is able to convince her man how much she truely loves him by offering her body to him. She thinks once he is convinced there is no way he would not be in love with her, and then he would fight the cruel world to be with her.

Truth however is that it isn’t about the cruel world. The man simply doesn’t love her. He enjoys being with her, spending time with her, talking to her, he doesn’t even goes out with other girls but he really haven’t felt the love. The girl wonders “I have given him my every thing don’t I deserve to be loved in return, he spends so much time with me, he talks to me all day, what is it but love? May be if I give him some more time he would realise his love for me.” So the girl keeps hoping some day he would realise.

Unfortunately most times even the man doesn’t know why he is not in love with her, all he knows that he simply isn’t. Sometimes its because she is not good enough for her. Sometimes its because he doesn’t know what love is. Or may be he doesn’t believe in love. Whatever it is at the end of the day the girl would be hurt. That the man cautioned well in advance that there is no future is of no recourse.

The more I see the games we play when we try to acquire an object of our affection I realize love is the last thing we think of when we are at it. And let me remind you, the thing called selfless love does exist. I have seen it. But that doesn’t lead to a wedding. You don’t necessarily want to marry the person for who you feel the selfless love. There can be some one you love not for him/her but for yourself. Because it feels good to love that person. And you don’t even want to tell him/her about it. It happens, trust me.

I suggest we believe in it,  that selfless love, and wait for it to happen. It’s a true test of your selflessness.

Started writing a poem with these thoughts but can’t finish it.

What’s the point
of those damned soul mates
Always crossing your way?
You see they all seem to be
way beyond your league
you can’t get them anyway.

Soulmate is to be, a part of you,
that you didn’t even know was missing.
A part at which when you took one look
and knew, it always belonged to you.

One look and you are in love.
love yourself and love him,
because he is you and you are him.

Yet what’s the point
of those damned soulmates
who won’t pass the system check.
Height, weight, age,
language, last name, place.

Andy body helping me in finishing the poem?


12 thoughts on “On Random matters of the heart

  1. Nice post and I can relate to this so much becuase the sentence “Lets enjoy the present” is one cliched sentence that both men and women use to get rid of their guilt.

    Sex as a tool used by women to hook guys is also a very foolish thing that women do and then they wonder why men still dont love them. Thats becuase the man told the woman in the very begining that he is not here for commitment. Love or not love I dont know. But there is a state of mind when you are so sure of what you want and thats when you fall in or fall out of love. This state also helps you in choosing which path to go for; Marriage or career or nothing at all. This state is also love but what differs is this love can be for self more than it is for the other person.


  2. slightly irrelevant

    “just realised my blog don hav regular readers at least they don’t communicate with me.Got no relationship wid even blog readers damn..”

    that’s not totally true, now is it? I did “nudge” you on your micro-blog, now didn’t I?


  3. I liked the first line…thats the difference.Guys say before they break somebodys heart.Girls break someones heart then say..not only say;they explain! :) .Love,relationships,emotions are buried somewhere down the earth.Now,How charming you are.That is what matters.

    Above ‘unfinished'(according to poet) poem is all about unselfish soul which is craving for Love.

    Guess following lines will end the poem.I hope so…

    Let me reminisce the first day
    Let bring all those smiles and pink cheeks
    Let me thank you for being there
    Let me go down on Knee and whisper

    I Love you…forever… :)


  4. Hate to agree with this, but yeah I have felt more or less same on the subject – and the men in my stories not always taking the trouble to offer that disclaimer line “No future for us” – in fact showering promises of infinite love and admiration. And at a later point of time, their obvious efforts at displaying disinterest and all signs to indicate end of relationship, are wasted on the girl. The girl sticks on and on and on until the man has to pull her out and show her the way out. [Gloom]


  5. Great poem!. Especially these lines

    “Soulmate is to be, a part of you,
    that you didn’t even know was missing.
    A part at which when you took one look
    and knew, it always belonged to you.”

    Please, try to complete it.

    Regarding the rest of text, I think it’s “sweeping generalization”.


  6. But then there are so many of these men…who after all the efforts that the girls make do fall in love, for real, but still let go…coz they dnt have the balls to fight the cruel world…but i wonder a lot, when the soul mates part and live their lives loving and respcting someone else…what happens when they die? Do their souls meet at least meet after death?


  7. reading your post..i went thru myriad emotions…your words mirror a part of my life and a relationship……about self esteem…i think girls do lack it sometimes..but more than that….the desire to have memories atleast when you can have a future is what does us girls in……
    i wish i could have broken off a relationship before it started hurting me…but i didnt…and it did hurt me very badly…..but now that i look back…i think it did me a lot of good…..


  8. ‘Yet what’s the point
    of those damned soulmates
    who won’t pass the system check.
    Height, weight, age,
    language, last name, place.’

    – so well said..
    loved the post.. could agree with most of what you have observed.. the raw truth.. well said! :)


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