Update: 17th May 2010 – I had earlier kept this post in private mode making it public today, because enough time has passed and that guy didn’t ask me for a second date and now I don’t think I am going to see him again.

This is a follow up to my previous post ‘The search the chase and the soulmate

Readers will remember I mentioned about meeting a person over twitter and talking to him via Gtalk. Well we chatted some more through last month on Google Talk and have finally decided to meet this weekend.

Usually the sequence of events is like this – you first meet over blogs and twitter, move on to gtalk, exchange phone numbers and then SMSs and then finally meet. Till this point it is very predictable, but what happens after the first date?

In my case mostly its nothing. I rarely move on to a second date. No body ever wants to spend more time with me or know me better or take care of me or love me. Sometimes some of the men I meet want to sleep with me but a quality relationship is never on their mind.

Ever since I have been blogging I have lived a dual life, one on internet, one in the off line world. On the internet whoever met me through my blogs they chased me, from blog to gtalk to cell phone to date…they made all the efforts, initiated all kinds of things to meet me once. Once they met they lost interest. It hurt me. Over time I stopped meeting people, cyber dates became a big NO in my life because they all have the same assumptions and expectations about me and I never seem to meet their expectations.

This time it was different though. The date I just had was not someone who found me via internet and chased me. I chased him. We met over twitter because he responded to one of my tweets where I said something about ‘looking for a date.’ I immediately DMed him and that’s how it all started. Through one month I kept pinging him on Gtalk on various occassion, I didn’t care whether he was interested in me or not, I simply initiated the whole conversation around dating each other and finally he said we could meet this week.

Before this in the past few weeks, while I was traveling to Karnataka, we both had urges to call each other and explore the idea of a relationship more but like wise people we decided to put things on hold until we met in real life. Because we both agreed that the first meeting is very important, until that happens this virtual medium is not a wise medium to build anything. A face to face meeting changes everything.

So we met, face to face. It was our first date, he came with a great bunch of flowers. Something that no one else did before. We had a nice conversation, in the end we hugged and said “it was great meeting you” and left.

Question is what next?

I don’t know, he doesn’t know either. Will we meet again? May be. Will we meet as friends or will it be another date? I don’t know again. Am I attracted to him? May be. Is he attracted to me? I don’t know.

There may be some confusion in my head about what I want, but this I know, that there is no confusion about what I can give. I have lots of love and care to give. It has been too long walking alone and searching, every bit of me now wants to be with someone. I want to be in love, I want to wake up next to someone on a lazy weekend and then get wasted lying in his arms for the rest of the day. It has been too long that I lived my life the way I want to, now I want to let someone control my life, take care of me, tell me what’s good and bad for me, be concerned about me. I want to commit myself.

Does that mean I want a marriage? I am not sure about that, only time will be able to tell. But why should love be contingent upon marriage? Why do we start thinking of marriage automatically.

Anyway, I am not sure if he is going to appreciate this post or not, he might see this as a privacy issue and feel offended. If you are reading this, please don’t feel offended, I write this because this is the only way I can express myself.

To my soul I have a promise to make – if this is not it, if this one is not the one, then I promise you my soul, this shall be the last time I am heading this direction, the last time I am considering a relationship. After this I will just give up the search. Promise.