The heart is so not where my dick is.

If I were a man, I would have said that about my current situation. So change the ‘vital instrument’ to something more befitting my gender, you would get my point right. I don’t know what else to call this but love and I just feel so ridiculous and helpless about it. I mean what is one supposed to do with this stupid feeling. All said and done, this longing has no future, this is a doomed love. I so don’t want to be in it.

I always had a lot of theories about love. “Love can’t happen one sided” said I. You need two people to be ‘in love’ otherwise you love someone or is loved by someone. Not that the theories made a lot of sense, but I at least had my ways to get around. I had never been in love and I was quite proud of that and never intended to change it. Even now I absolutely hate to call it love. Like Captain Sparrow said, “not quite all the way to feelings, more like stirrings.”

So its the weekend and my folks are gonna be out of town. From most perspectives its the perfect time to pick up a date and do what mature people do. But in all probability even if I picked someone for casual sex, my heart would be somewhere else, a place where I would never be.