10th Oct 2015

Last night the adda at SVD’s place was particularly fun, I cannot remember when was the last time I laughed so much. Perhaps it was the good Icelandic liquor and potent dope or a recently heart broken R who opened up a lot more than he usually does or a frustrated M who cannot make one coherent statement without cribbing about the lack of a man in her life or SVD who always asks these interesting questions for which you’d always give some ridiculous answer or all of the above. If there would have been a hidden camera somewhere in the room and somebody saw the recording of our conversation it would have made wonderful comedy.

M sitting there with her head buried in her hand murmuring one ridiculous statement after the other, “Why don’t anybody approach me yaar? Why not even for extra marital fling? I am jealous of you, you have got so many, I just slept with two men in my life. If I don’t have a baby by next year I am going to Dubai. I have good boobs, people told me.”

“I have good boobs too ok, don’t presume you are the only one.” I retorted. Then I said, “What you need is Tinder. Swipe left, swipe right and penetrate.” 

“Is that really Tinder’s tagline?” SVD asked.

‘Penetrate’ don’t rhyme. You need another word for that” Said R.

A bit later it was SVD’s turn to ask her brand of interesting questions, “Do you guys think you have ever met your soulmates?

Yes, I have met my soul mate” says R. “Who,” we asked? “Your ex-wife?”

No, ex-girlfriend.” He replied.

I have met my soul mate yes, I met him via his blog. One day I accidentally landed on a blog and said to myself, “This blog is my blog’s soul mate. Whoever is writing this blog got to be my soulmate.” So I messaged him on his blog. He quickly replied and we hit it off. We phone dated for a couple of weeks on ISD lines, but then he stopped calling.

Why what happened?” SVD asked.

I am not sure why. I never am.”  A realization hit me and I suddenly got mad at M.

“You’ve got a better deal from life do you know that.” I yelled at her. “For at least once in life you’ve experienced love even if for a jerk. I have never known what its like to be in love even after being with so many men. Its terrible. Its much better to have loved and be heart broken than to never have loved at all.

“Love bhencho is bullshit. Sab saala bakwaas hai.” R proclaimed.

“Love is not bullshit, its real, its beautiful but its complicated.” I said profoundly.

“Love is not complicated, people are.” SVD added.

She’s right, people are complicated and that’s why love never stays. I think love is a very powerful feeling but it is temporary, it brings two people together but it isn’t what sticks them together, what sticks them is love mixed with a lot of mutual respect, adjustments and convenience. There is also a great difference between love and like. You may not always love the people you like, and may not necessarily like the people you love. Quite often the people closest to your life are the ones that you find hardest to like, yet you cannot but love them.

We are people about to enter our 40s, some married, some divorced and me forever single. It seems to me that my love and sex life is over, dead, buried. I used to imagine my love life as a little girl lost in the world with a balloon in her hand, searching for a post to tie it. At one point it seemed she lost the balloon. Today it seems the balloon have burst and the search is over.

But I had an interesting journey for sure, from my first crush to the last, knowing men have been eventful. So many stories to share, some funny, (well on the hindsight everything is funny), some not so funny but still. It would all be in a book some day soon.