Man Sent Me Photos Of His Dick – What Happened Next?

That was not a click bait using a shocking headline. A man really did send me photos of his manhood last night.

I have met this man just once in my life in 2011. It was a casual date and we had sex. The date was at his place so I already knew what it ‘really’ was and I just wanted to have some fun. I never met him again but we’ve been connected on social media, and over the last five years he has given me hundreds of booty calls some of which I found amusing, some boring, but none offensive. On my part I have been flirtatious but I was always clear in my head that I don’t want to meet him again. I last WhatsApped him in Jan this year, around my birthday when I was getting worked up about not having enough sex in life.

Last night, at around 11.30 pm he suddenly sent me 5-6 photos of his dick through WhatsApp with a message, ‘just shagged imagining you.’ Just like that, no ‘hello, what’s up? how is life? I am horny can we have sex chat, can I send you photo of my dick’ nothing. Here is a man lying on his bed shagging and sending photos of his dick to a woman he hasn’t met or talked to in 5 years and hasn’t even exchanged virtual messages in 6 months.

Guess what is missing here? Consent. He didn’t ask me if I was interested in his dick at that point of time. In his virtual world he sort of opened his pants took out his dick and shoved it in. A man cannot be any less bothered about the woman at the receiving end (of the photo or the actual thing). As far as I understand, this is virtual rape. And while I cannot possibly control anybody’s imagination but by sending me a photo of his dick he made me and my body a part of his stupid imagination, without my consent.

But shame or sexual violation isn’t what I felt. I got furious.

His utterly stupid insensitive act disturbed me so immensely that I cannot even begin to explain. I have been working on my MA exams last few days which just got finished yesterday. I came back from the college, made some snacks, had dinner with dad, helped him pack since he was going to leave for Dehradun today morning to see my sister who had a surgery yesterday for her gallstone. I hit the bed early because I had a terrible headache and a bit of guilty feeling that I am not going to see my sister.

So last night, when this dick sent me his dick, I was trying to have my first peaceful sleep after weeks of sleepless nights with a baggage of mixed emotions and physical exhaustion. I had barely closed my eyes when I got the photos. 

So what did I say to him?

This brings me to the point of writing this piece, anger. I told him how angry I was and how far I was willing to go in my anger to take him down and smother him the next time he does this shit (this was not his first offense, and wasn’t my first warning). That my shame and honour is secondary to my anger. That the fact that I have slept with him in the past will not stop me from filing an FIR. Or the fear that he might make public the sex chats we had or the photos I might have sent him or anything will not deter me. Nothing can intimidate or embarrass me because my anger is above them.

This anger is important. This anger along with the knowledge that I have my rights. That my body is mine (fact that I have to wake up unexpectedly and see his dicks with my eyes is a violation of my bodily integrity unless I have given consent) and nobody has any entitlement on it. Not even my boyfriend or sex partner or client (if I am sex worker) or husband. (Oops I just got a bit over ambitious there, actually husbands do have the right to rape their wives in India. Sex workers can technically refuse to serve a client though)

We should teach our girls to be more angry, more often. Anger so powerful and toxic that it would consume every other emotion a girl feels when she is violated – shame, fear, honor, modesty, family izzat – she would deal with all of these later. First, she’d be angry like hell. She would scream at the top of her lungs taking the name of her perpetrator, she would violently kick and punch the next man who gropes her in the bus, she would break and throw stuff around.

We need more women to be more angry. Just make it a habit. Make it a culture. A culture where men would gather at little corners, near the photo copier or the coffee machine and whisper:

“Do you see how women these days have become, so angry all the time, you can’t even like grope them a little bit you know. The other day I barely touched this girl with my dick and she like flipped out, like crazy or something, started making so much noise, telling every body ‘this man is poking me with his penis’. I mean how can a decent woman say penis loudly in public?”

“I miss the good old days, when they were just embarrassed and scared.”

“Yeah! I know what you mean man, totally happened to me. Last night I WhatsApped some photos of my you know ‘big beautiful thing’ to this woman and she went crazy, telling me I violated her or something, like its virtual rape or something. I mean c’mon! And its not even like I am a stranger to her, I had already fucked that bitch.”

 

6 thoughts on “Man Sent Me Photos Of His Dick – What Happened Next?

  1. Bravo for raising this! I’d like to ‘not like’ this post simply because it is all too common and all to prevalent. A girlfriend and I were out for coffee and there was a guy with a cheeky T-Shirt, she took a selfie and posted it on FB… guess what…. from all corners this was seen as ‘open season’ to send her dick pics and sexualised comments. Women aren’t allowed to have a sense of humour about sexual matters! Men all over the world need to grow up and gain consent – full consent – before proceeding. Anything else is just dick behaviour!

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  2. So Ms. Basu i lost you after reading your first few lines. I am nt in favor of anyone but i am really against dickheads whether male or female. As per you if you do casual sex jst after meeting once then its right and nothing wrong in it. True? Because you are lonely or you want some shitty fun with a stranger but if that guy send you his nudes without sating hi to you then it invreased your anger seriously? May be he ws low, may be he was feelin lonely? May be he was a exhibitionist? And may be he wld have yhought that glashin to someone stranger like you did is little harmful than showin something to someone who alredy did it with him fot FUN. May be right? Nowdays the best part is girls like you do any shit and then blame it on guys. People like you are making this place a worse place. If you can do and have fun then anyone can. If your idea of havin fun is meetin a stranger once n have sex then may be his idea was to show you his DiCK which was played by you nicely. So stfp and learn to live with it. If you can do anythn than anyone can. Everythn happens with me is because of guys. Wow serious. You are like a kejriwal obsessed with modi… My piece is not disturved becauae i can have sex woth anyone because i feel lonely. Go and get yourself check for your brain. May be you are a sex maniac? And nobody talks like that i touvhed her with my dick and oh wow i feel great. Please until you are living in a ghetto. Good guys are one step awy from every girls. I know because i am and thanks to you. Even if people like us are dying and you girl are last to hold onto we will prefer dying. I am not in favor that he sent you pics or not but yes the issue you are makin is bullshit. If you can have lil fun other too can. If you want guys to lick your @ss evrytme YOU want it then they can too expct the same right? Its a two way street. You know i feel pathetic to even write here because i feel its a disgrace speakin to male or female like you or your dick sending hero. You guys are pathetic and selfish and someone who raise a cry if your struck in your ass by callin other sex mean defamin and bad. Crap…

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  3. Just to add one more thing, after I got angry and really blasted at the man he said sorry profusely. He said he really didn’t realize that I would be so upset. So now, since he has said sorry many times and also because of our past relationship I am giving him the benefit of doubt and not taking his name in public, not shaming him publicly, not trying to punish him or anything.

    You see while men don’t understand the line of consent (when they think just because a woman had casual sex with someone 5 years ago, he has the right to flash his penis to that woman whenever he wants for rest of his life) we women understand where to draw a line in punishing a man. We know when to give benefit of doubt and when to forgive.

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  4. Very interesting anecdote. Very brave of you to share it here. I agree that he should not have assumed consent. However, I would like to talk about another aspect of your article, namely anger.

    By its very nature, anger is destructive to the person wielding it. While it is something that happens from time to time, I don’t see anger as a solution to any problem.

    Let’s look at this another way, shall we?

    Situation 1: We friends from college have a WhatsApp group. It is an all-male group and like typical all-male groups there used to be a lot of porn that passed through the group. While I enjoy porn from time to time, I prefer to retain the right to watch or read porn when I want to and not when someone decided to hoist it on to me without my permission. But, being the wimp I am, I set the media settings on WhatsApp to never download any media unless I did it specifically instead of facing up to my friends and speaking out against it. A braver friend spoke up about not finding any pleasure in such videos and although there were dissenting voices, the volume of porn on the group reduced by a huge margin. If my friend had decided to become angry and take the “fight” to the others, I don’t think he would have been as successful.

    Situation 2: A group of people were discussing how some vandals had defaced the cross at a church by throwing excreta at it. There was talk of taking out a march, lodging a police complaint, someone even wanted to install cameras to catch the vandals in the act, if they ever returned, and others were ‘very sure’ who the culprits were and wanted to go ‘teach them a lesson’. However, one voice broke through the cacophony of anger and hate to ask, “Is the cross really holy or does it become holy because we consider it holy in our minds?” The voice of reason had everybody’s attention and so went on to explain that nobody else can throw muck at the ‘real’ cross because that cross is in our hearts. The only person who can violate that holy cross is each one of us. The crosses, the books, the relics are all just physical manifestations of a belief that we hold in our hearts. It can only be defiled by us. So when someone threw excreta at the concrete cross, all they did was dirty their hands to hurl crap at some cement and stone. But the moment we decided that they had desecrated our holy symbol, it is at that moment that the desecration happened. Hence, the real desecration was not done by the vandals but by us.

    So where am I going with all this?

    Maybe the solution is not getting angry, but putting things in perspective. As in your case, its just a picture. Delete it. Send him a message saying that you did not appreciate it. Threaten to file a police complaint.

    By getting angry, you have spent too much emotion over something that doesn’t merit it. You have much more important things to spend your energy on.

    By this, I do not mean that physical abuse should be tolerated. In fact, we should have zero tolerance to physical abuse. When someone touches another person, it crosses over from the mind to the real world and at that point, it is wrong to let it happen. But when there has been no physical harm (this term includes any form of tangible loss such as life, limb or money) feel sorry for the poor sod and move on.

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  5. @vinay Thanks a lot for writing, I appreciate people sharing their thoughts because the one thing I cannot handle is silence. Silence maybe golden but its also the coldest thing on earth. About anger, I hope you understand that the learning I took from this incident which I wanted to share with young parents raising future generation of women and girls, is to teach our girls to be more angry more often at the face of sexual molestation, violation, injustice. This maybe physical / mental both. Let me answer you as per your situations

    Situation 1 – A group of men have pre-decided and agreed that this is something we’d do on this whatsapp group. Part of consent is already there. Only disagreement is about how much and when which you are together discussing. This is a mutual situation as opposed to a man suddenly sending his dick pics to a woman he hasn’t communicated to in 6 months. And haven’t met in 5 years. I never agreed to a pact with him that every Sunday night we’d share nude pics of each other. In fact, the first time he did it I told him not to repeat.

    Situation 2 – Once again its about a group of people debating upon how to react to a given situation. To go and “teach him a lesson” is taking law in your hands like what happened in Godhra or Dadri. Totally unacceptable. To put things in perspective, whether some nasty guy throwing shit on cross make it unholy? Good question. After all God is really in our hearts, otherwise its just a cement. But what if I told you women is not cement? Suppose guy throws shit at a woman? You said only tangible loss of life, limb and money deserves action, otherwise ignore. Sure, shit doesn’t hurt tangibly or substantially. Only insults. So she should run away in shame and not get angry?

    Now Imagine more situations where woman can be sexually attacked / molested without causing any tangible loss of life, limb and money:

    15 year old girl taking a morning walk in the park and a man flashes his dick at her with lewd remarks like “aja na, le le na”

    Women in the bus or train and man continuously poking her with erected dick

    Women in office and bunch of men every day leaving dirty magazines on her desk before she comes to office to embarrass her. Or send her dick photos on her email.

    Women in bus or train or walking down road a man suddenly grabs her breasts and run away

    13 yr old girl in a hospital gone for blood test, the man who is supposed take blood slides his hands under her skirt and touches her vagina

    In none of the situation there is any “tangible loss of life, limb and money” my dear learned friend. So while you may teach your daughters to ignore all such situations silently like millions of girls across the world do but I will teach them to get angry.

    If a man is flashing at you do not get scared and run away in shame and never go to that park for morning walk again like I did in child hood. Get angry and hit him, push him, kick his dick, throw a stone at his dick. In the bus in the train turn around and slap kick punch the man, make noise, make a huge ruckus. In office get angry and file a complaint, punish them. Suppose you slept with one of them in past, suppose he has your nude picture, so what? That doesn’t give them any right to harass you daily. So, get angry, get so insanely angry that you are no longer bothered about shame and honour even if he says, “Look if you file complaint against me, I will make your nude pics public.” She would be like “Well go right ahead, I don’t care, my priority is to get you punished because I am angry.

    I hope you got the point.

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