It’s been so long I didn’t write a poem. I don’t write much from the heart these days, don’t feel anything actually. Life is going great if you see except that am in my 31st year and still single. There has to be a reason behind this. It cannot be a coincidence. All these years and not one meaningful relationship. Many men, but not one love. Strange. For a long period I thought I am too ugly. Now I’ve figured it doesn’t matter. Then, what matters, I don’t know.

The other day I asked a guy, “why are most men attracted to me physically, I don’t even have a good body, am fat, short,” so this guy said, “May be they are just horny.”

Bingo! I figured out men. They just have two state of being. (1) They are horny and I am around (2) They are horny and I am not around. Everything else is a farce, a time pass, bull shit. No friendship, no close friendship, no platonic friendship no friendship like bro-sis nothing. All bull shit. They feel horny they make a pass at you, if you don’t object they go ahead.

I figured it out by flashbacking at life, looking at the patterns in the way each man established physical relationship with me. What’s worse, it’s not even a physical attraction, it’s just that, being horny. A physical attraction is more close to love and affection, difficult to ignore, if a guy has some attraction purely towards your body he’ll keep coming back at you, but horniness is a very momentary state. And then they don’t even discuss it with you ever. They don’t even call you up and say, “I had a nice time”. They don’t call to say, “I didn’t know this would happen, guess I was attracted to you for blah blah reason”. They don’t call to say, “Do you want to catch up again?” Weird No? Just one time.

You think he is a friend, a close friend you could never imagine having any kind of sexuality with him, you hanged around with him all the time, nothing happened, but then all of a sudden one day he makes a sexual move at you. You have two choice, go ahead or say No. If you planning to go ahead, let me warn you right away, don’t be under the impression this sexual movie is sprung from some sort of emotional attachment or affection. It’s being horny. Period.

You think he is a doting husband, a nice guy, good son, all your other female friends hanged out with him at his house nothing happened so you sat with him having a drink completely oblivious to his sexual attraction for you and then he makes a move.

You think he is a fellow traveler, you think he is only asking you to join for a trip, you are not a fool you pretty much could guess there is a possibility you guys would get physical but something happens and you fuck up a fuck. He doesn’t talk to you anymore for the rest of the trip. You wonder what was he thinking when he asked you to join you for the trip. A fuck companion?

Men find me intriguing, mysterious enigmatic. They don’t get it how could I keep talking about sex so freely, how can I be so comfortable meeting one of them at night in dinner at his place when there’s no body around. Strange, he can ask me out randomly to join him for dinner when there is no body around, when I accept the invitation he cannot believe my guts and confidence. In fact, he goes to say, “I didn’t think you’d accept”. Just because I am a woman I have to have a difference in behavior.

Friendship, my sister puts it best, is bull shit. No body can be friends like family forever. That’s exactly why when you meet some one really nice and loving and all that shit, you tie that person into something called marriage. You are hugely mistaken if you think you’d retain him in your life as friend. She also said, a man and a woman can never be friends. Men don’t need friends to begin with, if at all they do, a woman can’t be their friends, don’t try to be a friend of a man by being his beer buddy, if you do that, you’d eventually lose him to a more woman.

I just turned a few more heads by this post I know, few more curious men would want to solve the mystery that I am. Sigh! I see patterns and patterns and more patterns everywhere.



22 thoughts on “hmm

  1. Liked the way you put it. And yes I guess you are right that it all boils down to hornyness nothing to do woth attraction, love or anything. But it would be wrong to brand men as being the only horny souls around, women also seek out for the same gratification. So we are even at the end of the day :-)


  2. Dear Sanju,
    I understand your frustration.Nowadays most of the guys are looking out for instant gratification.But if we keep telling all guys are shit,then we are bound to find more shit around us(tried and tested formula hai yeh)
    Why not be positive for a change? :-)
    Why don’t you read that book “the undomestic goddess” by Sophie’s about a high powered corporate lawyer..damn brainy..(like u :-))..bas aage nahin bolungi…enjoy the fun from here.GO READ IT MAN !!!


  3. A lot of it depends on your attitude Samy. Take some time to think what you want actually. Love is commitment. Are you ready to give one??
    You have given three instances. now think abt those instances from the guy’s point of view and see if you want to get committed to the girl or not..You might get your answer. Being single and 31 is not end of life and it is also not connected to beauty. If it of any consolation, beauty queen Aishwarya Rai got married at 33. You still have plenty of time to be “Not Single”. Take care and be good


  4. @ divya: the name is sophie kinsella I guess and the character was 29 years old..kind of unrealistic story but a good read. I hope Samy doesn’t start cribbing abt the age now. oops I have written enough to make her mad.
    @ Samy: sorry yaar the virgo in me is playing too much these days as I reading so much stuff


  5. Not all the fruits in the fruit basket are sour u knw..err. i.e …not all guys are the same…
    few instance(i am guessing) pertaining to ur lyf might hav led u to ur conclusions…but not true…it all comes down to the way we were brought up eventually..if u wer as a kid told to stay away from girls or vice versa…things arent always a piece of cake wen growned* up…u always hav some reservations..i definitely hav had more female friends i trust in my life than guys..ok not after coming to b;lore though..infact friendless after coming to b’lore though…crap..ok..the point being..all people dont think alike and all people dont see things from the same perspective..if hav always been arond the comany of the opposite sex ryt from childhood u wud always be comfortable arnd tem and the whole making a physical move at them dont arise wen they are chums or buddies..many of my female friends too hav had similar experience i guess so hmm..i pretty much understand how u are feeling..
    and about all the advice from ur sis…yikes !! wats wid her ???


  6. @ All,

    Thanks for commenting… I wouldn’t want to respond though..

    somebody pointed out a lot of grammar punctuation and spelling mistake in the post, I told that person, it’s a hmm post, it’s my thoughts flowing on the webpage via key board…if my thoughts could wait for grammar and spell check, they wouldn’t reach the web page in the first place… you know what I mean?


  7. @Seema

    haha ! thanks for correcting me :-) yeah its Sophie may be unrealistic but i wld still like Sanju to read it..even if she’s not 29 :-)


  8. hey – thanks for dropping by… and for the kind words (aa, well, technically they were jalaj’s! lol) in the last post!

    hafta confess, had never heard of or zoltan parag… he’s not exactly my kinda guy, though. hehe… but it’s funny that you talk abt some gay/lesbian blogs by south asians, cuz i’m currently working on a similar project here in the states! small world, eh? :)



  9. Hey Sanju,

    U r only partially right. Matlabi duniya… that is correct; but all men are horny always… that’s wrong! Many men are born dickheads… they think with their dicks first and then through their brains and finally, through the heart. It would be that moment when they think through their heart and tell you their feelings that you need to trust them you’re your whole and soul… but the main point to ponder here would be that when would you know that a guy is speaking from his heart!

    Your sis has hit the nail on the head and has hit it hard… Probably it is her experience speaking there.

    Chill babe, as Seema says… you still have a long time to go! Go for it… and never repent at your past… Live life to the fullest extent and fall in love with yourself first… then, the world would love you for what you are.


  10. I came in after your TZP rant, enjoyed that and curious but honestly couldn’t have fingered you as female at all. Not with that strong language and stuff. :-)
    Point is, you would do worse than watch a Hindi flick called “Mixed Doubles”. Yes, we ARE that horny, BUT it is just one side of us. :)


  11. Sanjukta , donno if you would remember me . We have met in 1-2 places. Good Post. Though it came out of your fustration, i agree with you on most of the points. Men n women can be friends, great friends; coz i have mostly male friends. hmm.. but still …


  12. U write sooo well, Sanjukta! It’s about time you wrote a series of books on relationships… boy-girl, man-woman, brother-sister, and on and on.


  13. U write sooo well, Sanjukta! It’s about time you wrote a series of books on relationships… boy-girl, man-woman, brother-sister, and on and on.


  14. @ All,

    So flattered that even my craziest random thoughts get readership.

    @Suksy, @FFF, @Govind

    I’ll believe what you guys saying when I’ll meet another kind, deal?

    I don’t come across as a female…now is that is a compliment or what…But then if that is a compliment why am I cribbing about not having a man, that’s coz there is a very very feminine side to me as know.


    Thanks for all the support.. :-| in case sarcasm don’t work, am pissed off, you supposed to be on my side u woman…


    Will sure try to read the book, added you on orkut. Thanks for visiting this page regularly :)

    Awe.. Thanks but I know somebody who corrects me at every line I write.. I do hav a secret ambition to write a book some day.


  15. Yes, of course that is a compliment. You analyze well and don’t have patience with fuzzy thinking at all.

    that’s coz there is a very very feminine side to me as know.

    See, I know better, but once there is a male -female dynamic in place, and since unlike dogs we do not have a heat season in place, the first reaction to a statement like that is not to take it at an abstract level.

    That’s reality. Speaking from an Indian male perspective, all male-female interactions (esp with someone you don’t know well) have some level of sexual politics embedded in them.

    Even if the politics involved is an effort on the male side not to get distracted. :-p

    Of course, once you know someone well, it IS fair and right to expect that the hormones dont kick in.

    Makes sense?


  16. @fff,
    it does make sense, (wrt: samy’s earlier comment on spellings and grammar– would you mind checking your first comment–i guess it should be “figured” you as female instead of “fingered” you as female)LOL.. that really caught my eye..was that intentional??

    Relax, I am by your side.. all men are assholes.. is it okay now:-))PEACE


  17. Ouch! I guess I think too much like the software geek I am. A finger app is one that allows you on unix to find more information about a user. I used the verb “fingered” in that sense. Just as if someone “pings” you on yahoo messenger, what he/she is doing is seeing if you are up and reachable. :) The ping application allowed a user to see if a machine was up. Hence the usage. :-)

    More Info:(only if interested!)





  18. hey dropped in after a long long time :-) provocative writing as usual … buts its mostly thinking out aloud. surprised find only 5 male comments? Looks like females yapping to one another ;P

    My 2 cents, observing patterns is of no use unless you can predict :-)


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