I woke up today with a terrible stomach ache. I can’t explain what it was like but it took me back some 15 years. Those days this kind of pain was more common with me. The heart burn and the pricking pain is more recent.

As long as my memory can go back I have had these stomach aches. Now I am a chronic patient. When I was in teens or pre teens I used to have a pain on the left abdomen around where we have the love handles. At times they used to be all around the stomach, at times they’d be on the back, there would be times when I can’t sit, stand, lie, walk, cant do anything. It’s really unexplainable. These days, that is to say since the past 3-4 years its a constant heart burn, a pain right in the middle of my chest along with a pricking pain which mostly starts at around the belly button and travels towards my back through the right lower abdomen.

Then there have been occasional cases of severe pain in the left extreme lower abdomen. One such time some 7-8 years back I had to be taken to the emergency ward in Safdarjung Hospital. However they didn’t exactly consider it an emergency case. They gave me charcoal, another sort of laxative which is supposed to be extremely effective.

Very recently I also have had begin to have blood along with my stool. The first time I had it was in 2005. I was scared and didn’t tell anyone and it didn’t happen again. But since end of 2007 till date I have had some 5-6 occassions when I have bled while defecating. I continously feel nauseated while that happens coupled with the heart burn.

This June itself I felt this severe pain in lower abdomen when I woke up. I had to almost shriek, I couldn’t stand erect because of it. But it eased after I had the morning pee. So is it something with the Kidney. I don’t know.

Doctor? Yes I have seen many. And I am sick and tired of them. They all have exactly the same treatement for all these years. Time and again I have been prescribed laxatives and antacids. It’s either a Cremafin or an Isabgol, its either Rantac or Ranitidine, it’s either an Eno or a Histac. Is there no better treatment for this? How long can one keep having laxatives and antacids. If I follow their prescription I am supposed to take it every night post dinner, it gives me nausea goddammit. I can’t take it every night.

In February I also had an Ultrasound done, nothing came out of it. Every time I visit a doctore he’d prescribe me those laxatives and antacid for the first 30 days and will then ask me to revisit. These 30 days I understand is the first stage of medication. But I have been going through this first stage for the past 15 years and they never seem to move to the second stage. And the high minded doc is never ready to listen or understand that I have already been through the first stage because it wasn’t him who took me through it. It was some other doc, and each doc wants to start it all over again.

The other option I have is eat healthy. These days I do. But the bloody problem is it doesnt matter what I eat or what I don’t eat. There have been times when I have been eating lots of salads, vegetables roughages and yet I had an attack, then there are times when I ate out a lot for a continous 4-5 days and I had the pain attack. But there is just no pattern that one can recognise and label as something to be avoided.

So, I have really given up now. I just live with it. It’s not easy, the feeling is horrible but I do live with it. I don’t know what else to do.

I didn’t want to write about all these depressing shit but couldn’t help it. Thought it would help to record the history of this illness. May be if a doc could read the symptoms and history he’d know what am I trying to tell. Somewhow when I visit them in clinic I can’t explain all these properly.

Well that’s true of most things about me. I can’t ever explain myself when am talking face to face. I can only express best in writing.

There are a lot of things I want to blog about today. And I don’t care if anybody is interested in reading them or not, I just want to share. Let me staart another post though.

One last thing before I move on to another topic. Throughout the morning today when I was feeling sick and was crying in pain I was thinking how will it be to have your partner / spouse / around in the house when you are going through this. I think it would be a bad idea. I mean I don’t want someone to see me in this silly state, I am not even completely dressed, I am at the verge of puking, I am dirty and smelly and I look miserable. I would be so uncomfortable if there was another person in the house right now.



12 thoughts on “I give up

  1. I ain’t no doctor, but still… You might want to try some or all of the below, if you have not already:

    i) Drink plenty of plain water. Avoid caffeine containing drinks, including soft drinks. Avoid alcohol.

    ii) Improve your posture while sitting, i.e. don’t slouch if you currently do.

    iii) Don’t eat fruits, especially citrus fruits, after 6 pm. Basically, you need to keep at least a 4 hour gap before you hit the bed.

    iv) Don’t eat fruits with milk; keep a 30 min or 1 hour gap between the two.

    Sometimes it is not possible to adehere to the above restrictions for a variety of reasons. Even if you end up breaking a rule once, don’t let it bother you. Just pull yourself back on track.

    v) Try a homoeopathic doctor, if you feel comfortable doing so. Remember that homoeopathic medicines require one to follow some strict rules as far as I know. No coffee, no raw onion etc. But you can check this with the doctor.

    vi) Try doing Pranayam or something like that, say, for instance, what Baba Ramdev professes. Don’t worry he’s not a religious leader. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that an experienced person guides you. Don’t rely on self-study.

    I hope you feel better soon.


  2. Dear Sanjukta,

    At first few lines of a song to cheer you up –
    “Sometimes I drive too fast
    Sometimes I risk it all
    Sometimes I’m reckless
    And act like I’m made of steel
    But I’m just flesh and bones
    A product of the Fall
    Still I have purpose
    And this I know to be real
    Life is precious, life is sweet ”

    Then a couple of advices (I am sure you know what are those)
    Consult a good doctor immediately. Stop eating junk foods ( I have seen those photos at flickr) and try to do a little bit of exercise everyday and Drink plenty of water.

    Best wishes and get well soon.


  3. Let me comment on you last sentence. A companion is a good idea becuase love is above ur bad hair days and smelly body and puky feeling. Having said that, I think homeopathy is the next alternative that you can try. There is one on Mosque Road. Fruits causes a lot of gas when taken immediately after other food. Half of the preventive mesaures you know it yourself but too lazy to follow. Exercise being one.

    A healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle goes a long way in staying fit. You know it all so I need not repeat. Lets go to that Homeopathy Doc.


  4. Hi Sanju, dont mean to scare you, but I came across this article that may provide some insight on your symptoms – http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Cities/New_disease_hits_Gen_Y_in_Chennai/articleshow/3515890.cms

    Also, remember that homeo treatment requires a lot of dedication and discipline and it takes months before the results appear. Also there are restrictions when taking homeo medicine.

    Its imp to get the right diagnosis before trying to find a treatment.


  5. Curd rice. Worked wonders for South Indians for ages. No, really. If nothing, it will bring down the pain enough for you to realise that start has just one ‘A’ in it ;-)

    Couldn’t resist: know it’s a painful post but then there’s always pleasure in pain.


  6. There was a time when I would lock everyone out of my life when I was sick. It would leave me writhing with pain, which hurt 10 times more.

    Later I learned being around healthy people and trying one’s best to appear healthy (than whining about the pain, as some ppl. do it) goes a long way in healing oneself.


  7. Do you consider yourself to be an over-thinker?

    I hope your health gets better with time.

    I too sometimes feel extremely acidic and uncomfortable. Everything you said about not being seen in a silly state by someone you really likes stands true. But if it’s someone you ‘love’..if it’s someone I love, I’d want that person strapped to me 24/7 till I get better!

    All this discussion reminds me of “The Painted Veil” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0446755/) which has an excellent portrayal/dramatization of the same dilemma (although its a very short part of the movie, on the whole)


  8. please get your colonoplasty done.my father had similar symptoms and he is well now after treatment


  9. Flax seeds/ Linseeds/ Alsi (in hindi)/ Jawas in marathi, one table spoon (heaped) about 15 grams should be freshly grinded and taken during meals ( lunch, dinner). This powder may be taken as such or with any food material as per liking ( sugar, honey, mild spices, coconut, mixed with rice or any thing as per choice.
    Drink lot of water.Take vitamin C 500 mg. every day once and vitamin E 200 mg on alternate day.
    You should get relief in a month’s time.


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